Step by Step

If anyone hasn’t heard yet, I moved to a new place, thanks to the sudden kicked out from previous place. it’s long story, and to make it short, now I live in a sweet not too big room, with pinky painted wall, aircon, and inside bathroom.

And what  makes me love the most… I can cook! yesh \o/ saving money from un-healthy food out there =D and, eventho i paid abit, i also could put a mini refri inside the room. So.. it’s like a mini apartment x3. And it’s included laundry already, and seems flood free so my car is safe.

And since I can cook, with a refri inside my room, I only have to do groceries shopping once a week. I bought lil veggies here and there, and then cooked o/ mostly chinese food style since it’s simple :3 and I stored food that last quite long, like sausages, brocolli, japanese tofu, and the rest is there as additional stuff. Of course, inside the refri, I also stored some drinks x3 nuuuu dun worry, no alcohol allowed.. or some1 will hang me for that Dx

My fave cook is sausages with sweet soy sauce (kecap manis). Simple. Yummy. x3 And so far, i cooked veggie of… baby caisim, bean stalk (buncis), brocolli, and kapri… dun ask for english name.. I have no idea myself -o-;;;

And no, I’m not cooking the rice. I don’t have rice cooker since I have to pay to keep it here… Although I kinda sure that I can quietly put rice cooker and they will never know.. hahahaha… but rice easy to get.. just walk out about 5 meters away from home, and there’s a warteg (mini street food) where I could buy rice.

And if you wondering why I always mentioned the veggie, not the meat… Not that I hate meat (who will hate meat Dx Dx Dx) but I believe that to survive in Jakarta with good stamina and health.. I need these veggies. Some people can eat no veggie at all, but I force myself to eat it. And no MSG of course. My weapon only soy sauce (sweet n salty ones), pepper, and salt.

Is there any recipe?

No ._.

I cook.. based on what i have in my head. The image of the food create its own recipe and I just cook with my instinct on what to add next xD so some experiences really usefull x3

And yesh, of course, not all is good looking or succeed… like last time I made omelette… It kinda.. burnt a bit cos I put too much egg it still yummy though… just not that good looking xD

oookiee… I’d better stop now… Thanks to habit in our IRC channel.. kinda can’t stop when talking about food :p

enjoy your meal o//

I was preparing the robot parts. There were 6 boxes to prepare. There were many screws: nuts and bolts, frames, etc.

And recently those screws were getting rusty. No idea where the rust came from. These boxes never fell to water. But, Jakarta had been humid badly lately.. so I assumed the salty air made it rusty.

So I just let it be.

Then I went to this class with only 3 students. Junior high students. And after a while, when we were tidying the parts into the box again, one of them commented about this rusty screws and said, “but ma’am, you should separate those rusty ones, and clean the box. Or else, the rusty will spread and infect all.”

To be honest, that thing never crossed my mind. So last Monday, I spent a day to prepare for the next class, and while I’m doing it, I separated the rusty screws, clean the box, and put the clear ones to the box again. That thing pretty much took my time. But somehow I’m glad I did that.

And while I was separating the screws, a thought crossed my mind.

How that looks similar with our sin attitude. At first, we are born into this world with a pure soul, and then the moment we gain consciousness, we become sinners. And along within our life, we make mistakes here and there, commit sins here and there. Then we are purified by the blood of the Lamb that was sacrificed upon a cross, so that anyone that believes in that salvation, will be saved.

But it doesn’t end in that point. We have to work on this salvation. We keep and do the Words. We keep ourselves from any sinful things.

And when we lose our guard, the “rust” infiltrates our life and then starts to rotten things inside. The “rust” inside our life, before it spreads, should be taken out, thrown away, and we clean ourselves again.

The rust: anger, jealousy, envious, temptation, violence, dirty minds, etc etc.

Those are things that should be moved away from our mind and our life. Not easy. Just like the tiredness when I was separating screws, it also tiring to keep cleaning. There might be a chance of slipping, that made us have to re-look, re-check, and re-do. And eventually will get tired, get exhausted, and feeling want to stop.

But I’m glad to say that I’m not alone in doing this “separation”. God’s hand will always accompany me, giving me strength whenever I need it.

So, ready to move the “rust” ?

umm… some friends telling to do this.. so… yah.. although i think i actually already mentioned some of my habits on previous post, but maybe those are not visible to see instantly..

So, here they are… and nevermind the rules thing.. x3

Rules :
1. Each blogger must post these rules
2. Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their name
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.

10 habits:

1. I tend to make a messy room and not bother about it until I can’t take it anymore and spend 1 day to clear things out. And another thing that will drive me to clean things is… when there will be a guest using my room and I will be kicked out from it… T_T

2. I can’s stand ants. *nods nods* you didn’t read it wrong. I can stand any other creatures. Even cockroach.. I only stare at it when every other girl might scream. But for ants… Especially when i saw a large amount of ants.. I have tendency of not letting any of them live will grab a baygon and sprayed them all immediately =X

3. I prefer book than food. If you give me money, and telling me to choose, I will choose book. Well, recently this habit kinda reducing ever since I live in Jakarta, cos that force me to survive with food x3;;;

4. I’m a collector. Every little thing.. even an organizer name tag.. i still have those from… iono.. 13-14 years ago? Luis told me I’m collecting trash.. nuuuuuuuuu TT_____TT

5. I’m a simple practical gal. Only use make up when necessary, like to party or when I become a liturg at chuch. Don’t like bag with too much pockets, in fact, if possible.. not carry a bag at all x3. A friend said I’m queen of practical x3 And another friend complained when I didn’t carry a bag at all ._.;;

6. I always have to brush my teeth in the morning before I could drink or eat anything ._.;

7. It’s found that I’m allergic to dog’s furr…. but meh… i love kissing my dog’s head ToT

8. I can stand cold more than heat. You might find me complaining about cold less than I complained about heat x3 and yet.. I still likes to go sauna.. muwahahaha…. that’s because I can take bath afterwards. If under heat weather.. won’t it be a waste of soap for keep taking bath?

9. I can remember face better than names. Don’t expect me to remember names fast, but I will recognize a face. And I used to remember numbers pretty well, like telephone numbers or birthday date.. Friends used to call me walking telephone book. Only now, since technology called reminder exists… I barely memorize anymore =X

10. I like to make story in my head, and continue it everyday. I make a character, and pretends to play that char’s part in my head. I won’t tell what they are =X don’t bother bug me about it.. or telling me to write them down. These are some ways to help me relaxing >_>;;;

And so my list is done. Tagging people ya…

I tag you! YOU! who read this blog. hohohohoho~~~~ go make the same blog with those rules in your blog x3

Recently, I feel my life getting.. dull. At first, I don’t really mind, since I have so much free time, that I can do quite a lot of things that I can’t do before. But, after… 8 months? it’s getting into my nerves. I feel I gain nothing at all within this year, except now I have a wonderful guy ^o^ and that I have time to finish the camp, but for my own satisfaction, I feel… none.

Life’s passing by and can’t turn back. Today I sat while waiting at school to get into the class to retrieve some papers. Somehow, I kinda regret that I didn’t do my school time with more energy. Too passive. Too…. normal. Less energic. Only flow with time like I always do.

Seeing these students laugh and running around, I just got the melancholy feeling. I miss school days. I felt I didn’t gain anything at those times.

And that feeling struck in these days. I feel I didn’t gain anything. Camp’s misery feeling is just a little part of it. Maybe it just a result or.. explosions.. of so many years unseen stress. Unseen and unnoticed, even by myself.

And again it gave me some thoughts, some questions: what am I doing?

Living?

Surviving?

Flowing?

Really a wonder how a complexity of mind and yet I still survive of not being insane x3

But I guess, only time now that can answer it. Because… the answer of every prayer, every wish, every hope.. won’t come in a flash, right? It takes time, some sensitivity, looking around, and some wisdoms.

So, have you gain something?

x3

ToT

Holiday over and return to work.. Felt this body still needs more rest x3 cos I got flu ever since camp Dx

well…. I dont think I will stay long in this work field. 1 year is enough. I’ve known.. and I just want to confirm myself… well, just want to test myself, since I always say this without ever experiencing it.

TEACHING.

Somehow, I always got bad impression on this field. I always see myself not capable on doing it, although some people said I have talent in it. I dont see that talent. But I thought, why not trying? Plus, this is not like a real teaching.. it just extra classes, extra curriculum. and not that it will affected their report or something.

But…

I was wrong. It still teaching. And my weaknesses in this thing are: I tend to assume people (aka kids) will do what i told them to do.. properly.

I forgot how it feels to be a kid. Egoist. Always complained. Distractful. Not listening. etc etc etc. And.. this is my first time teaching.. without anyone tell me how to do this. I have to try to find my own way.. and felt like making those kids become my lab rat Dx

I know it’s not fair for them. They’ve paid for this class. Not much for their standard, but still, money is money. And maybe I kinda disappointed of my boss too. He promised a trainer for me before, and that trainer never come, so I have to learn everything on my own thoughts and my own way.. which prolly, big chance that it’s not right at all.

Like my last meeting with the kids… I told my partner to check my words before I spread the theory paper to the kids… but he didnt cos he assumed I know it better… and after the class over, he told me about: I didnt expect you write it that way.. that was wrong!!

I just laughed and stared at him and said: told you to check it before. why dont you?

And he laughed again. maybe he realized it now. Im not from mechanic world.. science is something i left 10 years ago.

And along the way… in this holiday.. I dont miss teaching at all. I talked to a lecturer in camp, who is a teacher, and I told him about my work, and he said that he loves the teaching, he felt that’s the way for him. And I said: that’s the matter… I dont feel that teaching is my calling. I dont know what my calling is now.. Just.. I did this because I want to know. To test how far I could go.

Some kids in the class saw me as “oneechan”. I felt it that way. Maybe all of them saw me that way. They dont see me as “teacher” so when I tried to make them sit and shut up, it’s not working x3 I have to slam the board to make them notice me xD poor me…

At least, I cant teach kids. I lost interest to someone that doesnt want to pay attention. And kids always dont want to pay attention. Got the idea?

Dad thought I waste time.. 1 year is still time. Im 28 now. By the time I quit this thing, I will be 29. Not sure that I will go other company or I’ll return to home. This thing.. still in my consideration. Long thought.

*sighs*

*goes to baby and curls*

I know.. I have to pray for this.. and it’s… not easy ne, to really let God work His way on my life. Cos this logic… and people around me.. are impatient. And that makes me impatient too. I dont know where im going. If you ask me where I’ll be in 5 years, my answer will be: no idea.

period.

I’ve stayed in jakarta for 3 years.. and I still have no idea where I’m going.

m(-.-)m

Camp over, and I went home.

It’s holiday.

Yesh. HOLIDAY. HO-me LI-ke mai-D d-AY.

wahahahahaha….

it’s Idul Fitri holidays. Maid went home, mom n bro went off on trip to China with my other 2 aunties, and dad not coming due to health problem (well, he’s not sick. but going on trip that takes ALOT of walking will be @_@ for him…) and so I went home to stay with dad.

In empty house, and pretty.. tall? 3 floors… not big, tho. just.. tall ? although the tallness started on half house only. Like a letter L. anyway.. not hoping you really get the idea x3

oh, and with a dog. little dog. maybe.. 13 yo old now? and she always refuse to eat on 2nd day onwards after maid went home ALWAYS. I have no idea… maybe she misses my maid? cos maid is the one that always fed her Dx well, she eats.. only never finished the food.. among 10 times meal, i only saw her finished the meal.. twice Dx and she become so.. clingy. Kept tailing me everywhere I go, hopped to couch whenever i sat, and immediately put her head on my lap (awwww…. yea.. that one is cute x3)

So.. the days on being a maid started… But I found it fun.. to think on what to cook…. hey, I can cook D:< made my first butter prawn and people love it D:<

And I tried to do laundry.. First day ok.. but 2nd day.. when i put my hands into detergent water.. It immediately giving red dots Dx Dx Dx and turned into wound Dx Dx Dx and I dont dare to touch that detergent again Dx and I dont have gloves Dx so I guess, laundry should wait for maid to come… she got 4 days after all, before mom n bro coming back, and showered her with more laundry x3

and I took 1 day to clean off my room. Spent on 9 hours and quite satisfied with the result.. Although it made me kinda sad cos I lacked of.. book shelf. YESH!! my mangas Dx need home…. and i so wanted to cover them one by one with plastics… but.. too many…. and not enough plastic.. and I know, if I started.. will be hard to stop Dx

And dad happily burnt all the paper trash I made x3 I dont know why but I think, dad really enjoying burning those papers.. cos he was kinda *-* when asking: got any papers to burn?

xD

And I got one more McD Happy Meal Toy: Hello Kitty notes. This means.. I only have 1 more toy to chase *-* hope it’s not sold out Dx

and… this quiet sunday night… and Luis left to his grandpa’s place and to church… makes me a bit sad since I have to return tomorrow to work.. But let’s that become another topic to talk about xD

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee /o/

Ok.. so what happened to this camp?

Here’s the story goes:

We gathered in the morning, around 5am, and not long, around 6.15am, 1st bus already could depart. And against our thought, apparently it was so empty that we reached taman piknik around 8.15am. We were o.o;;; and things became a relax. Then the rest of participants came, and we started, opened the event with a ceremony. And flag. Yesh xD a flag. With a ceremony inspector, and leader.

Then we got ready for outbond. 5 bases were provided with games at each base. Unfortunately, 2nd base lost the tools.. seems the people that lives around stole them =( This made groups couldnt play on 2nd base, and made all gathered and waiting on 3rd base. Anyway, finally things done and all back around 5.30pm. And then raining. HUGE raining, for about 1 hour.

So with a friend, we picked up gals participant one by one from their room, since the rooms and the hall were separated with a grass field. And by the time all girls are inside the hall.. the rain kinda stopped ._.; and then we started with an outbond review, dinner, and 1st session.

Then 2nd day, we started wit sunday service, and 2 sessions of 8th habit with lunch in between. Then a break. A friend consult us, and telling that 8th habit is not enough, that we need to add something. Luckily that we have a priest that ready to help, so we asked him to give 1 session. Previously, we were planning to play movie: Fighting the Temptation. Then that 4th session, dinner, and 5th session.

After that I was so tired that I slept earlier than everybody xD

Then the next morning, the last day, we held another session, which a bit out of schedule, but it was ok. Then closing ceremony, taking pictures, and we were packing.

And the bus late. Apparently that the bus service forgot about us =X luckily a friend that deal with it re-confirm with them, and althought the bus late like.. 1 hour, we all could go home x3

Then we reached church, waited for all participants to return home.. and I close the day with grilled pork and samchan satay *-*

hohohohoho~~~~~~~~~

In this camp… within those 3 days.. I just felt.. screwed .-. don’t know why.. maybe cos some things not moving according to what I want, what we’ve planned, and some missed points that felt screwing up.

When we were planning this, things felt right. Well, some things were O.o but along the time, just felt to get along with it. But apparently, that’s a big mistake. I believe, when we are inside something, God will give His Holy Spirit to guide us, and the form of the Spirit is inner heart.

And my inner heart said otherwise.. and I kinda ignored it since I followed majority. BIG mistakes >_<

And the other things that made me depressed were the facts that I had told my friends something, got ignored, and apparently what I’ve said proven true

And by this time, I’ve learnt in this harsh way, to make myself heard, and debate them if needed. Have to learn to push myself to talk when I thought it’s the right thing. Always following majority is definitely not a good point =X

And I can’t really feel excited when it’s over. Maybe cos money problem. Maybe cos I still feel like… I failed .-.

I know I know, I shouldn’t think that way, and I just can’t help it >_<

*curls under couch and hides*

to be continued…

This one… well… first of all, I have no idea how I ended up being the chief ._.;; well, that position already handed since like.. 2 years ago? ToT

It was so…so… … argh >_< I can’t describe it >_<

I have to admit that I kinda underestimate it, since I’m used to be in the organizer team. But.. being a chief is a different thing. There are many little things that I didn’t put attention at first and become a little rocks that getting on the way. Many little rocks that made our feet hurt when walking. After this I found another side of me that I already knew for long but never confirmed: I’m not a leader type. I like arranging stuff, but I tend to assume that people will do what they need to do >_>;; and lazy to call on people to remind them on stuffs, plus recently, I got so easily distracted. Not as focus as I was.

This camp talked about success. It started with idea of: young people wants to be a success person. Being success becomes a main goal. Success in career, family, relationship, etc. And it was so important that people willing to do anything about it. But.. for whom they did these all? For themselves ? For their happiness? When they did what they have to do, and then they got a sickness and died, then… what are those hard works for?

We want to bring the participants to realize that no matter how far their goal, how big and how impossible it is, it’s all in God’s plan. If they did all within their own mindset, not God’s, it will end up in nothing. It might bring money and wealth and fame, but does it give you peace or happiness or satisfaction that you have done something right ?

“Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”
(James 4:13-17)

There are things inside ourselves that we need to conquer too in order to be a real success person. All the pain in the past, the unhealed wound, and the fear of the future usually become the reason for someone can’t go forward. And we need to keep in mind, that everything happens under God’s control.

to be continued….

Having a friend that never asked you to go on a trip, and suddenly asking you to go to a trip, will make you speechless and couldn’t refuse x3. haha… not that I don’t want to go, but on that time, i really had no money. But, again, since I was speechless I just said yes, and thought that money would be there.. somehow..

And yes, dear mom willing to fund me to go \o/ so I went to singapore with 2 friends on 13th-15th sept 08.

Woke up at 3am, and got ready around 4am, and since I had to go alone, I walked in fear that no taxi around. It was soooooooo quiet. I only prayed that somehow, if God permitted this trip to be done, somehow, i would get a taxi. And not even a minute after I arrived on big street, I saw a taxi coming. And in 5 3 minutes, I already inside taxi, and looked around and found almost no car nor bikes around. whoa!

Then when we reached singapore, we found that a friend willingly accompany us showing the way around.

Although a bad thing happened to me… my memory card spoilt Dx Dx so no piccies anymore, unless for the 3rd day since i bought new one for SGD 24 x3

But most of all, we kinda had fun. And I got to see several places I never been before, and this time (sorry people) I shopped for myself. I always buy presents for people and barely for myself. This time, I just want to shop for myself x3

Very interesting. Plus I never been to Batam, so kinda =O seeing batam. And the flight a bit scary Dx the plane went through the sea and turned around.. but the way it turned around was so… scawy ._.; it gave feeling that the plane gonna fell to the water >o< and I couldn’t stop staring outside Dx

But that’s what’s the great part, I think. That experience really taught me on how things are possible to happen if God permitted it.

And He will always give way out in unexpected way. I was thirsty. I don’t have coins to buy waters from the box. But this box accepted EZ link card, which I have, and still have some dollars in it

anyway, that was a nice trip. And Luis promised that we will go there together :3 :3 :3